Have you got any pets?
We have a rabbit, which Cael – in the most passive-aggressive ‘I really wanted a dog’ move in history – named ‘Puppy.’
Our yard is not fenced (that’s on ‘the list’) so for now Puppy the rabbit is as good as it gets.
Puppy doesn’t do very much. He spends his days in a run in the front yard, eating clovers and hiding under an upside down basket. Of an evening, due to our snake situation, he comes upstairs onto the balcony and into a hutch. Occasionally Cael will smuggle him inside and into his bed, where he likes to eat the linen.
And in between, he shits. If there were a gold medal in rabbit crapping, Puppy would eat it, then shit it out.
And then …
Friday afternoon – they’re always a bit weird, aren’t they? You pick the kids up and they’re usually pretty psyched. I’m guessing the Friday afternoon enthusiasm of the teachers rubs off on them. Can’t blame them, really. I feel the same way on Monday mornings when I drop the kids off.
Cael used to come home on a Friday singing “Friday, Friday … it’s the best day of the week.” When I asked him how he knew that song he told me his kindergarten teacher sang it all day, every Friday.
Anyway, I digress.
So, last Friday it’s the usual manic behaviour, but we manage to get in the van and onto the road with everyone still wearing pants, and without the extra kid or two that sometimes happens in that weird Friday energy that makes me say yes to playdates. Winning.
Then, as we are about to turn into our place, I notice a little fur covered, poop-factory sitting in the middle of our driveway.
PUPPY! He has gotten out. Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Did I mention we have no fences? All of the yards run into the next and head downhill into bushland and the broadwater. How the hell was this going to end? And, of course, the kids were watching this all unfold. SHITSHITSHIT!
Leaving the car running, and with all of the children still inside (nothing could go wrong there, surely?) I jump out and creep toward Puppy, hunched over in a begging kind of frame and making ridiculous Skippy-type noises. What the hell noise does a rabbit make anyway? I dunno.
Of course Puppy bolts, and I chase. FYI, I am not a pretty runner – think ‘Delta Goodrem dancing’ level of co-ordination.
Thankfully Puppy is going in circles and not heading down the street. Why? Who knows?
I’m not sure how long this goes on before I remember that the kids are still in the car. Cael, by now, is hysterical. I signal him to come and help, but Ivy and Duke are still in the car. I jump back in, turn it off, open up all of the doors and ask Ivy to stay put and keep an eye on Duke while we try to catch the rabbit.
Cael’s hysteria is over, now he is in a delighted state of excitement as he joins the chase.
“Not too fast!” I yell, “We don’t want him to have a heart attack.”
“WAAAAAAAAAAAH!” screams Ivy, “Don’t kill him!”
Shit. This is bad.
Cue imaginary Benny Hill music …
The chase is well and truly on.
For some reason, Puppy continues to only run as far as our non-marked boundaries before turning and bolting back the other way, over and over again. What this means is, thankfully, the ridiculous sight of me running was contained, limited to the enjoyment of several neighbours only.
Speaking of neighbours, our awesome next door neighbour, who is a firecracker in her eighties, has seen the fiasco and is now standing at the top of the drive, ready to corral, with her little fists pumping and cheering on the chase – a situation which, when combined with Cael’s squeals of glee, and Ivy’s wails of impending doom, has caught the attention of more neighbours who are now watching the show.
Around we go – chasing, lunging, missing, chasing, lunging, missing. Over and over again.
Cael’s excited giggles are contagious and by now I am in fits of laughter as well. Holy crap – how long can we keep this up? How long before this stupid rabbit realises he can keep running further than our yard to escape? How long before I have an asthma attack? What time does Ruby’s bus come in? Will she ever forgive me for running in public? #teenshame
I still have no idea how this is going to end, but I can’t stop laughing …. and chasing, and lunging, and missing.
I’m not sure how long this went on for. Time stands still when you are in a rabbit chase.
My neighbour is still in a cheering frenzy, the kids in the car are still screaming, Cael, Puppy and I are still scrambling .. when Puppy makes a mad dash behind the bins – an area the snake-catcher dude told me to be careful of. Great, don’t tell me a python is about to have a rabbit sized lump? What next?
Cael has a genius moment and moves the bins while yelling at me to wait behind them. It works – we’ve corralled Puppy! It’s over. I catch him at last and get him into the hutch before you can say ‘WHATTHESHITJUSTFREAKINGHAPPENED?”
Back in the hutch you stoooopid bunny!
Ever been in a pet chase? Who won?