My kids don’t believe a word I say. Fair enough, I lie through my teeth.
I know, I know … trust issues, respect … blah … blah.
I can’t help it!
*Sometimes (*read – very nearly all of the time), during the non-stop, shit show that is life with children, I lose my freaking mind.
The whining. The sobbing. The nagging. The demands. The relentlessness of it all.
It’s at those time that I utilise one of the standard weapons in the mum arsenal: Deception.
Long term, it’s never gonna work. I know that. I actually like my kids, I don’t wanna lie to them. However, the reality is, a well timed fib can mean the difference between five minutes peace and a motherf@#king straight jacket.
So, yeah. I lie.
Here’s a few that spill from my lips on the regular;
Rebel Without A Pause is a lying mother:
- Yes, that is a nice toy, let’s put it on the list for your birthday.
- Fine, don’t eat dinner – but I’m not going to make you something else later.
- I am not going to ask you again …
- Maybe.
- I’m driving. Do you want me to turn around right now? Because I will.
- If you can’t look after these toys, I’m going to take them all out of your room, and you’ll be left with just a bed.
- We just have to quickly run in and get one thing, we’re not getting any toys today, OK?
- I’m going to say this one more time …
- Sounds like fun, how about we do that tomorrow?
- That’s it, I’m going on strike.
- Share, or the Playstation is getting packed up and put in the garage.
- Alright, well we won’t come back to dancing next week if you keep mucking around.
- I am going to count to three and …
- Mummy is just going to be one minute.
- This stuff? Oh it looks like Nutella, but it’s medicine – made of spinach, and beetroot, and eggs and um … more spinach. Want some?
- OK, you can play on my phone – but just for one minute.
- Because your teacher calls me and tells me when you talk about Minecraft in class …
- Playdate? OK, I’ll call their mum today and ask.
Please tell me you lie too. What fibs do you tell in order to reign in the crazy?
Hot shit! We could change places and our kids wouldn’t even notice 😀
Let’s do it!
I do nearly all the above. I also tell my children that every chocolate I have in the house has nuts in it, since childcare/kindy/school has instilled a pathological fear of nuts in them. It works, and the chocolate is then all mine.
I tell my daughter that my Rose wine is red cordial really watered down sometimes too.
Lately though with cleaning their rooms I haven’t rampaged and yelled. Ive just been waiting until they get in the shower and quietly removing a rubbish bag full of crap from each of the rooms. I have now donated about 10 bags of excess stuff (toys, clothes, just general crap) to the Salvos within about 2 weeks, and NOONE, not even my husband (massive hoarder) has noticed yet!!
I feel like Im winning, but I cant brag about it at home :o)
You are the master!
Hi there, after reading this amazing article i am too cheerful to share my familiarity here with mates.
This was so funny Rebel and reminded me of how awful I was when my daughter was young. She was very fair and when she was little we lived in Cairns where it’s just too damn hot most of the year. We spent a lot of time at the pool or in the yard sitting under a sprinkler hanging from a tree. Not very high tech but effective! Anyway I used to tell her that if she got sunburnt her skin would fall off so she happily wore a sunsuit that covered her from neck to wrist to ankle. Plus a hat of course. Really it wasn’t a complete lie because you will peel if you get too burnt and that is pretty much your skin falling off. But I think she had a much more horrific image in mind! Saved me a lot of money in sunscreen too. Only had to do her face, hands and feet!
NICE WORK! Horrific … but nice.
Yes! All the freaking time! “Just give Mummy one minute and then I’ll do it” is a big one. Also, “If you don’t look after your things I’m going to throw them all in the bin!”, “Sorry darling, there’s none left”, “It’s very yummy” and “ok, I’m going now, you can stay here by yourself”.
Yes! I can’t stop them from coming out of my mouth either.
I told my son ,when the ice cream truck plays it’s music, it’s because he has run out of ice cream lol
#genius