Last night I shared an image on social media because … FREAK OUT!
Here’s what happened:
I blame Toy Story
With four kids in this house, the toy situation can get a little hectic at times. I try to manage it by keeping stuff in an orderly fashion … OK, you guys know when I am lying. I manage it by screaming at the kids to pick up their shit, and every now and then I tackle a toy cull.
But thanks to Disney freaking Pixar and their toys that come to life when the real peoples leave the building, I get a bit of guilt whenever anything goes into the bin. Does that happen to you? I mean, lidless textas, petrified pieces of toast, scrunched up paper … all of that crap that seems to amass in the toybox is fair game – but something that has a face? Oh god, that’s not so easy.
Then situations like the one last night further cement the notion that these expensive lumps of plastic might actually come back in the night and stab out my eyeballs.
It’s not just me …
I have thrown a creepy looking toy budgie out multiple times and it keeps reappearing. I am really hoping the kids are playing a joke on me.
… and all of a sudden a million creepy toy stories flashed before my eyes. Let me introduce you to some toys of doom that I have met along the way:
The creepiest lamb you ever met
When Ruby was born, more than 14 years ago, my eldest sister gave her a sweet looking little lamb with it’s little sewn-on eyes squeezed shut, and it’s hands clasped tightly in prayer.
And then you pressed it’s tummy.
Remember the Nightmare On Elm Street films? Those little girls skipping and slowly rhyming? *shudders* The lamb had that kind of creepy little girl voice, whisper praying in slow motion:
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord, my soul to keep
IT WAS FREAKY AS SHIT!
And then the batteries began to die and it got even creepier. It would go off randomly – usually when the house was silent – getting slower and scarier over time.
But, of course, Ruby loved it. Andy and I would make plans to bin it – but we could never quite do it. We were scared. Surely if we binned this lamb, Freddy would come and kill us in our dreams?
Nine years later …
It came about that we were moving, so we did the huge cull that only a sea-change move can inspire. We basically halved the shit in our lives when we moved from Sydney up to Northern NSW.
As we discarded item after item, it inevitably came about that Lamby was in our hands. By now, Rubes was over it, there was no battery left, and Lamby was looking a little worse for wear.
It was a joint decision – together we were brave – and in a giggly (but slightly frightened) ceremony we dumped that lamb like last night’s pasta.
Jump forward a month or two …
We are in our new house, we are settled in our new hood, and we become parents to sweet baby Ivy – more than nine years Ruby’s junior. Everything is lovely and sunshiney in our life.
As they do when a new baby is in town, the gifts roll in thick and fast – including one from Andy’s aunty, Sandy, which we open … AND SCREAM.
It. Is. The. Same. Fucking. Lamb.
When the batteries die, so do you
Lamby wasn’t the only toy to have ever haunted our dreams.
One wintery night, we were staying at Andy’s family home, along with all of his siblings. We sat around as the fire blazed, having a few drinks and a lot of laughs. Andy’s mum had been in the process of sorting out her garage and in doing so had unearthed a bunch toys that had belonged to Andy’s youngest sister, Rachel.
One of those toys was some kind of dog or bear? I’m so scarred from what happened next that my memory is hazy.
Remembering that this toy used to say something, someone gave it a squeeze … “You’rrrrrrre dead”
Um, I beg your pardon? Did that toy just say “You’rrrrrrre dead”?
We all screamed, laughed and tried it again.
I that slow, ‘battery has died’ way that toys do, whatever that toy had once said had now turned into the creepiest death threat you have ever heard.
Can you imagine? The atmosphere was equal parts hilarity and fear as we pressed that belly over and over. In the end, we threw it in the fire, because EVIL!
Trust me, we all slept with one eye open that night.
Have you got any creepy toy stories? Do tell …