Is that toy going to kill me in my sleep?

Last night I shared an image on social media because … FREAK OUT!

Here’s what happened:

Creepy, right?

I blame Toy Story 

With four kids in this house, the toy situation can get a little hectic at times. I try to manage it by keeping stuff in an orderly fashion … OK, you guys know when I am lying. I manage it by screaming at the kids to pick up their shit, and every now and then I tackle a toy cull.

But thanks to Disney freaking Pixar and their toys that come to life when the real peoples leave the building, I get a bit of guilt whenever anything goes into the bin. Does that happen to you? I mean, lidless textas, petrified pieces of toast, scrunched up paper … all of that crap that seems to amass in the toybox is fair game – but something that has a face? Oh god, that’s not so easy.

Then situations like the one last night further cement the notion that these expensive lumps of plastic might actually come back in the night and stab out my eyeballs.

It’s not just me …

On Instagram, Lisa from Bookend Blend commented sharing her tale of toy-fear:

I have thrown a creepy looking toy budgie out multiple times and it keeps reappearing. I am really hoping the kids are playing a joke on me.

… and all of a sudden a million creepy toy stories flashed before my eyes. Let me introduce you to some toys of doom that I have met along the way:

The creepiest lamb you ever met 

When Ruby was born, more than 14 years ago, my eldest sister gave her a sweet looking little lamb with it’s little sewn-on eyes squeezed shut, and it’s hands clasped tightly in prayer.

And then you pressed it’s tummy.

Remember the Nightmare On Elm Street films? Those little girls skipping and slowly rhyming? *shudders* The lamb had that kind of creepy little girl voice, whisper praying in slow motion:

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord, my soul to keep

IT WAS FREAKY AS SHIT!

And then the batteries began to die and it got even creepier. It would go off randomly – usually when the house was silent – getting slower and scarier over time.

But, of course, Ruby loved it. Andy and I would make plans to bin it – but we could never quite do it. We were scared. Surely if we binned this lamb, Freddy would come and kill us in our dreams?

Nine years later …

It came about that we were moving, so we did the huge cull that only a sea-change move can inspire. We basically halved the shit in our lives when we moved from Sydney up to Northern NSW.

As we discarded item after item, it inevitably came about that Lamby was in our hands. By now, Rubes was over it, there was no battery left, and Lamby was looking a little worse for wear.

It was a joint decision – together we were brave – and in a giggly (but slightly frightened) ceremony we dumped that lamb like last night’s pasta.

Jump forward a month or two …

We are in our new house, we are settled in our new hood, and we become parents to sweet baby Ivy – more than nine years Ruby’s junior. Everything is lovely and sunshiney in our life.

As they do when a new baby is in town, the gifts roll in thick and fast – including one from Andy’s aunty, Sandy, which we open … AND SCREAM.

It. Is. The. Same. Fucking. Lamb.

When the batteries die, so do you

Lamby wasn’t the only toy to have ever haunted our dreams.

One wintery night, we were staying at Andy’s family home, along with all of his siblings. We sat around as the fire blazed, having a few drinks and a lot of laughs. Andy’s mum had been in the process of sorting out her garage and in doing so had unearthed a bunch toys that had belonged to Andy’s youngest sister, Rachel.

One of those toys was some kind of dog or bear? I’m so scarred from what happened next that my memory is hazy.

Remembering that this toy used to say something, someone gave it a squeeze … “You’rrrrrrre dead”

Um, I beg your pardon? Did that toy just say “You’rrrrrrre dead”?

We all screamed, laughed and tried it again.

You’rrrrrrre dead”
You’rrrrrrre dead”
You’rrrrrrre dead”

I that slow, ‘battery has died’ way that toys do, whatever that toy had once said had now turned into the creepiest death threat you have ever heard.

You’rrrrrrre dead”
You’rrrrrrre dead”
You’rrrrrrre dead”

Can you imagine? The atmosphere was equal parts hilarity and fear as we pressed that belly over and over. In the end, we threw it in the fire, because EVIL!

Trust me, we all slept with one eye open that night.

Have you got any creepy toy stories? Do tell …

Comments

  1. says

    Oh Jesus, now I’m scared of our toy room…. We’ve had a couple of toys randomly go off in the middle of the night. One had to be banished to the garage because it kept waking us up. We didn’t dare throw it out though…

    • says

      YES!

      UI have a friend, who was (and still is) childless … probably because of that time she slept in Ruby’s room only to be woken by a battery-drained Cookie Monster randomly slurring “C is for Cooooookie’ at her in the middle of the night.

  2. Kirsty says

    OMG Rebel, we had the same lamb but I didn’t know about the button and terrifying voice… until one day my 6mth old must have rolled on it in his sleep and I heard the most horrifying voice ever coming from my babies room through the sound monitor… I was freaked out… didn’t know if my baby was possessed or if there was some stranger in his room!!! took me a few weeks to work out it was the freaking lamb thing…

  3. says

    YES I hate toys with batteries because they are obviously more easily able to be manipulated by demons and aliens and they must be because how many times have I set foot in a darkened rumpus room only to have the absolute SHIT scared out of me when something suddenly comes to life!?
    https://stillnotajournal.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/things-that-go-bump-in-the-night/

    I haven’t had any scary toys crawl into/be left in my bed though, just stuffed toys from when one or other of the boys climbs in with us in the morning. Well they did leave the head of their rocking horse on my pillow one time but I don’t *think* it was meant as a threat…

    • says

      My neighbour’s house burnt down the other week and we had to be evacuated. I’m wondering if the universe is trying to tell me to get the hell out?

  4. says

    Holy Shitballs. No I dont think I have any freaky toy stories to share but I am sure as hell going to go on a cleaning spree and chuck any suspect toys that could turn evil on us. Thanks for the nightmares lol xx

  5. says

    I have that whole “toys have feelings” thing going on too. Which means I found it very difficult to get rid of Carla the Showgirl Dolly, even though she clearly had to go. Is there anything freakier than a freaky doll???? I swear Carla wanted to kill us in our beds but was too doped out on ice to manage it… x

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *